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Milo nestles up to Jenny
The Health and Fitness Express contains both the random and organised thoughts of John Miller.
NESTLE, THE CAUSE AND THE SOLUTION
GENEVA, June 19 -- In a move that recognizes the modern world's twin obsessions -- indulgence and guilt -- chocolate maker Nestle said that it would purchase weight-loss-product maker Jenny Craig Inc. for $600 million.
Sam Cage Associated Press
MORE GOOD FOOD
'Through science-based nutrition products and services, Nestlé Nutrition helps enhance the quality of people's life by supporting health and providing care for consumers with special needs at every stage of life.'
www.nestlenutrition.com
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'Our global vision, our worldwide promise: Enhancing the quality of life'
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'At Nestlé Nutrition we are building a pioneering new organisation at the cutting edge of nutritional science.'
www.nestlenutrition.com
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'Our "Product Technology Centers" develop the safest and most quality oriented processes and translate science into products that deliver functional health benefits for consumers and patients.'
www.nestlenutrition.com
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'Nestlé Research Center (NRC) is ... home to more than 300 PhD scientists, each committed to discovering new ways for nutrition to contribute to good health' www.nestlenutrition.com
Acknowledgement
The images in this newsletter have come from the Nestles website.
WHEN FAT AND SKINNY GOT MARRIED
Remember when Fat and Skinny went to war and Fat got shot with an apple core? Well they've made up and a few weeks ago they got married.
A PROUD MOMENT IN NUTRITIONAL HISTORY
In a press release dated the 19th of June 2006, which we're proud to bring to your attention and from which large slabs have been extracted, Nestlé S.A. (commonly known as Nestles) 'has reached agreement with a private equity group including ACI Capital and MidOcean Partners for the acquisition of Jenny Craig, a weight management company offering consumers a range of branded nutritional products and services in the USA, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. The company achieved sales in excess of USD 400 million during the last twelve months with double-digit organic growth. Nestlé will pay approximately USD 600 million. The acquisition will not dilute Group earnings.'
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'The Jenny Craig acquisition follows the recent acquisition of the Uncle Toby's cereals and nutritional snacks (sic) business in Australia, and demonstrates Nestlé's continuing commitment to nutrition, health and wellness.'
'Jenny Craig, founded in 1983, offers consumers personalized weight management programs tailored to their specific needs. Through one of the more than 600 branded Jenny Craig centers, consumers can receive regular one-on-one weight management and lifestyle advice from trained consultants. ' |
Milo of Croton on his way back to the Keroma from Jenny Craigs. |
'Each individual program also includes a range of nutritionally balanced and portion-controlled prepared food products designed to fit the consumer's lifestyle and nutritional needs.'
There is a rumour going around that following the honeymoon, Jenny Craig staff will start advising their clients to eat more chocolate and condensed milk as a means of ensuring repeat business. Clients will be encouraged to start the day right with a plate of Milo breakfast biscuits, have a Kit Kat and a glass of Quik for lunch, a biscuit and a cup of Nescafe for afternoon tea, a Lean Cuisine for tea, finishing the day off with a nice hot cup of milk Milo before tucking themselves into bed with a packet of jubes.
'The current Jenny Craig management team will continue to run the business and will report directly to Nestlé Nutrition.' Whacko the diddleo! This is the mob that has powered Nestle to the top of the junk food pile.
'Weight management will thus form a new pillar of activity within the Nestlé group's autonomous nutrition business, which already has a global presence in infant nutrition, healthcare nutrition and performance nutrition. This acquisition will also reinforce Nestlé Nutrition's presence in the USA, the world's largest nutrition and weight management market.'
The other pillars of activity within the nutrition group will be the flogging of chocolate, ice-cream and coffee to the point where they stimulate an orgy of over-indulgence.
This will in turn fatten more people up who can then be referred on to Jenny Craigs.
Nestles appear to have taken a leaf out of the production manual of the farm in Mexico which grows cats for fur. The cats feed on rats which are also farmed on the property. When the cats die, the furs are shipped out to be made into fur coats and the entrails fed to the rats, ready for consumption by the next generation of cats. It's reputed to be the world's first example of the laws of thermodynamics and perpetual motion working in harmony. The Nestles/Jenny Craig merger looks like it's about to become the second.
They say that people who collect 20 empty chocolate wrappers will be able to take them round to Jenny Craigs for a special introductory offer.
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'Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, Chairman and CEO of Nestlé, said: "With this strategic acquisition, the Group takes another important step in its transformation process into a nutrition, health and wellness company that sees weight management as a key competence. The rise of obesity and the resulting metabolic disorders, such as diabetes and cardiovascular disease, is a major public health concern, not only in the USA but also the world over. |
Kristie Alley leaves the Nestles factory complete with sample bag enroute to Jenny Craigs. |
The Jenny Craig acquisition puts us in a privileged position to help many of" ... ' the consumers who've been fattened up on Nestle's confectionery ('that will satisfy any craving'), ice-cream, Nesquik, Milo, breakfast confectionery, snack bars, condensed milk, biscuits, and cake.
Just reading that the bleeding hearts at Nestle have a concern for the metabolic disorders that over-consumption of their highly nutritious (sic) product range stimulates is enough to make you want to poke your fingers down your throat. (Maybe that's one of the Jenny Craig techniques!) These people and the nutrition organisations that support their 'cutting edge' 'nutritional science' must have hides as thick as rhinoceroses.
But surely this is a marriage made in heaven. Truly this is the 'Good Health, Good Life' company showcased to its best advantage. The cause and the solution. The alpha and the omega. The ecstasy and the agony.
Having put on record it's concern for nutrition, health and wellness we can no doubt shortly expect to see Jenny Craig adverts on the back of blocks of chocolate, the energy content which is enough to power an average sized, sedentary person for the best part of a day.
We're living in exciting times and Nestle's Australian nutrition partners, the Dieticians Association, The Nutrition Foundation, the Australian Institute of Sport must be tickled pink to hear the good news and eager to lend their support to the new fatten-them-up/slim-them-down-all-in-one-go program. The school canteen manageresses will just love the idea as will the nursing homes.
In the mean time stay tuned, highly tuned and while you're drifting off to sleep sucking on a tube of condensed milk remember 'Our global vision, our worldwide promise: Enhancing the quality of life'.
John Miller
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