REPORT JUST IN FROM OUR MAN IN NEW YORK, ROVING REPORTER PETER HARTIGAN

 

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

 

At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

 

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us,' Ashcroft said. 'They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.'

 

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.' When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, 'If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.' White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

 

You can, once again test your maths skills by clicking here.

 

In the meantime stay tuned, highly tuned and remember that the sum of the weight of the squaws on the hides is equal to the weight of the hippopotamus.